1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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