i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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