Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
