I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
