she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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