Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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