TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
