i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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