yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
