Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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