i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
