I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
