Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I wish you could order shots online.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
