No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
