i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
