He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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