Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I lost the right to judge tonight