Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.