clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?