Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  Wait, how do girls masturbate?

  (1-925): View more from California

  I dunno we use shower heads I guess.

  (925): View more from California

  ..how does it fit?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): Wait, how do girls masturbate? (1-925): I dunno we use shower heads I guess. (925): ..how does it fit? http://tfl.nu/ktf5
  Replies (85) Good night (2163) Bad night (5851)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying http://tfl.nu/0ccm
  Replies (8) Good night (3367) Bad night (4120)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing. http://tfl.nu/i0rl
  Replies (20) Good night (8429) Bad night (1133)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us http://tfl.nu/w5tj
  Replies (2) Good night (2377) Bad night (1145)
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass? http://tfl.nu/sdtw
  Replies (4) Good night (1818) Bad night (675)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You? http://tfl.nu/qxi1
  Replies (1) Good night (816) Bad night (1420)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death. http://tfl.nu/x5xg
  Replies (4) Good night (1062) Bad night (400)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there http://tfl.nu/59ui
  Replies (5) Good night (985) Bad night (426)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs http://tfl.nu/usn4
  Replies (4) Good night (423) Bad night (618)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily http://tfl.nu/5rme
  Replies (2) Good night (619) Bad night (321)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me http://tfl.nu/nb8z
  Replies (1) Good night (290) Bad night (422)
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers http://tfl.nu/23r1
  Replies (0) Good night (443) Bad night (490)
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples. http://tfl.nu/aueo
  Replies (2) Good night (294) Bad night (740)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY." http://tfl.nu/eo1b
  Replies (2) Good night (530) Bad night (208)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO http://tfl.nu/2gy7
  Replies (2) Good night (641) Bad night (169)

Randomize