I wanna bring you to show and tell
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
