Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
dude i'm inner monologue high
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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