Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
