so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
