my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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