this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
