i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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