Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
