You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
i think im in europe. pls send help
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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