Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
