Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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