I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize