They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
