Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Floor bacon is actually really good
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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