you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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