Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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