my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
