i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
