So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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