the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
