She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
