First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
