I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
