Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
