I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
