Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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