you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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