Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
