Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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