So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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