I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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