He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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