Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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