At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
