next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
