She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
