Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
