You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
