This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
