moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
